The longer I’m here at this position, the more I question what it is that God is trying to accomplish in my life. I mean, to be quite honest, I question God immediately after my pride boils up. In some respects, I question God only after I realize that my pride has swollen and my face starts to heat up. Wounded, I close my eyes and ask God to deliver me, to release me from these chains.

The situation that I find myself in is a real blow to my ego. I face the constant tide of mental irritations, those little thoughts that are never helpful in creating a positive frame of mind. And then there’s the whispering and innuendoes of co-workers, the “just a temp” lines. The air of superiority is infuriating: it goes against everything I abhor.

Despite knowing that it’s petty and meaningless, especially in light of eternity, I still find myself boiling under the collar. And after the boiling settles to a simmer, I question God, not with my fists shaking, but with a broken heart.

God has provided for me in so many ways. I suppose the boiling is a reduction of sorts, reducing my own ego to something that God wants for me. I do sense that God is trying to refine me, taking these emotions and bottling them up, tossing them into the ocean to be battered on other shores. So yes, there is a sense of awe when I think of how great He is, and how minor these life frustrations are.

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