It’s hard being stuck in one place, especially if that one place is a dark valley. I’ve had times on top of some hills, on the edge of the mountain faces, looking out to see how awesome life is. Today, I’m trudging along in the valley, trying to find the end of it.

The hardest part of being in the valley is the huge amount of psychological stress it creates. I have no scientific evidence for this claim, but I’m beginning to believe that there’s a part of my brain that shrinks, and then lusts after things. I suppose another way of framing it is, sin easily overwhelms me without much of a battle.

When life is “normal” and I’m working on all four (or eight) cyclinders, that part of my brain remains healthy. I’m busy on things of a purposeful nature, unconcerned and not easily overcome by sin.

Being unemployed (or partially underemployed) takes my focus away, letting me get taken away by the part of me that has become unhealthy. With a click of a mouse, I’m suddenly at the side of a cliff, jumping over the edge into some of the darkest experiences of a man’s life.

I pray that this day, with grace renewed, that I would make a strong effort to keep God first; to have my faith built up. That I renew my commitment to the God who has protected me, loved me unconditionally, and supported me this whole life. I pray for mercy and forgiveness. I pray for an inner strength that will make a difference in the lives of people I love and care about. I pray for more work in the near future. Regardless of my situation, help me God to remember that You are God, the One who knows where my life is headed. Remind me each moment, God, that I am in Your hands, that your provisions are an abundance, and that you know exactly what I need. Help me not to worry or stress about what will happen tommorrow. Help me to make the right decisions especially when faced with clear cases of right and wrong decisions. Help me to choose the right way.

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