It’s a birthday that some approach with humour, partying and frivolity. For others, it’s a day taken with some reluctance. Turning 40 is not always what we think it’s going to be like.

Perhaps it’s the feeling that we’re no longer in full control of our lives, the sinking feeling of being in a silo: we have our careers, our families and loved ones, our stability and predictability. It’s funny how we work hard to achieve those things, and then we feel a tangible, noticeable feeling of being constricted or limited.

I remember turning 20 thinking of all the possibilities that were ahead. Turning 30 was wonderful, as I was married and had our beautiful marriage to spend together. Now at 40, I have a beautiful family, a stable career, a healthy income, two growing kids who are exceptional in their own ways, and a life that I couldn’t have imagined was possible, especially not at the beginning of the creation of this blog.

Years ago I created this blog to lay out my life, at a time when being digitally present wasn’t the ubiquitous habit it is today. Smartphones were still in their infancy (BlackBerry was still the leader). The things that I blogged about were personal, as they still are today, but I also feel that I haven’t done much justice to this site in the past few years. I’ve always noticed how after writing a post, and then received feedback, I always felt rather justified in my writing pursuits, as if I had invested my time and efforts properly.

The idea of 40 is probably more fear-inducing than the reality of 40. When someone asked me the other day how old I was this year, the words practically stumbled out of my mouth. Am I where I thought I’d be at 40? Why is this milestone such a marker? How is it not much different from other birthdays and calendar milestones?

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