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You must read the entry below, coming from a visitor to the blog. The writing in black below comes from a random (or maybe not random) visitor who decided to write something meaningful for the world to read. And boy is it awesome!

“I, too, typed in “God what am I supposed to do?” Did you ever imagine that phrase would be one that brought so many people to your page??

I’m sitting here watching yet ANOTHER free dvd from the library after a dinner of frozen asparagus and bread and cheese, shivering because I can’t afford to turn on my heat, and wondering what I’m going to do now that I’ve drawn the last $30 I’m eligible for in unemployment checks. I’m a good worker, a hard worker, a smart worker. I hate handouts. But I’ve applied for job after job, week after week, for 9 months now and gotten TWO interviews out of it. I pray about it, talk with strong Christians in my life about it, read scripture and meditate on it with my current situation in mind… and still find myself typing my ultimate query and frustration into a Google search. Why?!

You just feel so empty of answers, of logic, of the ability to reason sometimes. You know wisdom is given to those who seek it, but at the end of the day you still want to have a roof over your head, food in your belly. Wisdom may teach you the worthlessness and temporary nature of so many of the things we take for granted as “necessary” parts of our lives, but does wisdom then tell us to expect to live a life of abject poverty and constant hunger because abundance isn’t “necessary”?

I’m not looking for something miraculous. I’m not looking to make loads of money, or even as much as I made at my last job (which I lost because the company closed due to the crumbling economy which is hurting so many of us). I’m not looking for greatness, for gold, or for glory.

I’m looking for sustenance. For the ability to pay my rent, pay for my car, pay for my student loans. To pay back my grandmother who’s generosity has kept me in groceries. To pay back my also-struggling parents who’ve given me so much in the way of true love and support. For the ability to work. To serve and love through work. I love people, I love committing to a task, I love bringing things to completion, I love working.

What’s happening? What is this? Why is this? How is it we can follow God’s commands on how to deal with situations like this and *still* find ourselves, find each other, heaped into a comment board on a stranger’s web page as we all ask this questions we can’t seem to get an answer to?! “God! WHAT am I supposed to DO?!”

I can wait. I have been waiting. I will continue to wait. And I’m running out of money and credit and no closer to a job than I’ve been since I lost my job in May ‘08. I will continue to wait. Maybe that’s what we’re all supposed to do. But the loss, sacrifice, heart ache, pain, and sadness resulting from the situations mentioned on this page– if waiting is what we’re supposed to be doing, shouldn’t some of those symptoms lessen since we’re doing what we’re called to do?

I will continue to wait.”

This is perhaps the most meaningful comment I’ve read on my blog thus far. This entire blog acts as an organic archive of people’s lives around the world who are struggling, including myself. So it’s immensely profound that someone would make an expression of their thoughts, anxieties, worries, and post it as a comment. As Behnnie writes, ” I pray about it, talk with strong Christians in my life about it, read scripture and meditate on it with my current situation in mind…and still find myself typing my ultimate query and frustration into a Goodle search. Why?!”  I’m sure there’s a thesis dissertation lurking in Behnnie’s writing, just waiting and wanting to be penned. How and why is it that so many people type those exact search words into a search engine, seeking meaning? It’s like using and typing in some keywords, praying and hoping for divine intervention or to hear God’s gentle voice. Waiting is so difficult, yet, in many ways, God becomes clearer because of it.


I *thought* I was a random visitor, sent here via your friend and mine: Google. But perhaps it was via a more literal Deus ex machina? LOL! The real irony, though, is in the timing of that comment I left on your blog. You see: After 9 months of unemployment I got a job today.

For the past 2+ years (plus summers since high school) I worked for the family business which, recently beset by one unfortunate struggle after another, finally had to close after 12 years as the weight of the crashing economy further burdened our efforts. Scores of people lost their jobs when the business closed, most of them with spouses and children to support. It was a difficult situation all around. Luckily, however, my dad was able to use his connections to find jobs within days, sometimes even hours, for almost every employee who needed the help. Almost every employee except me. I’ve got two degrees, several years’ work experience, and references who’d loan me kidneys, but no employers were interested. If that ain’t a blow to the self-esteem I don’t know what is.

I spent the summer working with my family helping close things down on the business end, dismantling steel case cubicles to be recycled for cash to keep us in groceries, selling off our remaining inventory of pens, staplers, and post-it notes to keep us in fuel; it was a summer I want to forget. Every day was sad. Every day was the end of days. Every day was a reason to think that maybe, just maybe, things would be better if there would be no more to follow.

I began looking for work in earnest as our efforts to finalize the company began to draw to a close in August. I wanted to look sooner, but every day so far had been so filled with work, sadness, and stress that somehow walking into people’s offices brandishing my resume and a smile seemed a near impossibility. And the that work that filled our days? It was work that didn’t pay. Work that made us weep. But we had God. We had each other. And I? I had a few friends. I had naps. I had library dvds. I had more naps…

I faithfully applied for at least two jobs a week (a condition of receiving unemployment checks), but companies were beginning to really realize the gravity of the economic depression so no one wanted to hire until we all had a better grip on what to expect. All told I attended one job fair (if you’ve ever attended a job fair you understand why attending even one is more than sufficient!), signed up with four staffing agencies and one talent agency, registered with countless job sites (Monster, CareerBuilder, etc.) which I checked religiously, sent emails to everyone I knew, and searched Craig’s List on a daily basis for postings that weren’t scams. I applied for anywhere from 5-15 jobs a week, every week, for 6 months. If there’s any business in this area that doesn’t have my resume, references, and position specific cover letter at this point I’d be heartily surprised!

From these months of effort I netted one follow-up call asking if I knew how to use Power Point, one interview through a staffing service for a job that went to someone else, and one interview last week which I got because a friend works there and put in a good word for me with HR. My deferred student loans start up again in March, my windshield is cracked from end to end, my auto insurance is up for renewal, and I just drew my final unemployment check on Sunday. It totaled $30. Which brings us to today. To a phone call. To a follow up on last week’s interview. To an offer for a job paying $0.46 more per hour than I need to pay my bills. To a job I don’t know how to do yet but will learn faster than I’ve ever learned anything. To a job near my home. To a job with a friend.

Praise the Lord, stranger. After 9 months in a terrible economy: I have a job.

God has always known my needs, always met them. He has provided ways for me to get by financially during my period of unemployment. He has provided me with strength on days I couldn’t bear to get out of bed. He has provided me with peace and encouragement when I was ready to check out. He has provided me with family and friends who love me and who give me the opportunity to love. And now he has provided me, after nearly a year of waiting, with a job. When following gifts like strength, love, and encouragement, the job really does seem the least of those in many ways doesn’t it…


I’m sure the title question is one you’re familiar with. It’s sometimes a silent question at the back of your mind, or it’s a loud, pleading question you ask out loud. Over the past three months or so, I’ve been oscillating back and forth, asking God where we’re supposed to go from here.

I ask that question all the time, and I’ve asked it over and over again for years. My wife and I have travelled and lived in many countries, and that question still remains. I realize quite clearly that God knows the answers and I don’t. Trusting God, then, is what I need to do.

A year ago I didn’t even know if my job was secure. I had a temporary, 3-month contract position. I had applied to universities across Ontario for Education (teacher training and certification), but I wouldn’t get an answer for months. So each Sunday (and often on my way to work, actually) I asked God that simple question: Where am I going? I think I ask that question because I want to know what’s going to happen next; I want a sneak preview. In another sense, I think I want to take that excitement of not knowing away.

Did God lead me in righteous ways? Absolutely. I’m studying now for my B.Ed, at 34 years of age, and God has helped me all the way. Incredible.

So why do I feel so anxious these days about “where I’m going?” Why is it that my stomach churns, and I grind my teeth at night, thinking about the uncertainty?

I attribute this anxiety to my lack of faith, and in particular, a lack of quality time with God. Sounds crazy, but there is certainly a direct correlation between the time you spend in prayer with God and the way you deal with worry and anxiety over uncertainty. I’m praying that over the next few weeks, I’ll devote and commit more time to reading the Bible and getting clearer about who is in control of everything, and clearer about who will lead me to where I’m going. He’s done it all my life, so there’s no reason to worry that He won’t do so in the future. This is our loving and caring God.

A constant theme in my life, one that’s not particularly healthy, is that of worry. I worry about so much these days, and it seems as though I’ve placed or accepted too much pressure on my shoulders. Fatherhood has given me much more to think about each day, and I find myself so stretched for time.

I worry about job security, even though I know I shouldn’t. First of all, it’s fleeting. Work today, no work tomorrow. It’s possible that I won’t have work tomorrow. God knows this, and I know that God knows this. But somehow, I worry about not having work, about finding work, about retaining work, about doing better at my work. Shouldn’t I simply be handing this over to God, and say, “Hey, um, God, can you handle this all for me?” And He does!! That’s the point.

I find myself worrying about Teachers’ College applications and getting into a university. I keep asking myself, what am I supposed to do if I don’t get in? How am I supposed to figure things out from there? Again, the answer is found in God, but I fail to search for the answer there.

I worry about money. I worry about finances. I worry about having too few resources to get things done. I worry about three to six months down the road: will I have enough then?

And the simple answer is, yes, I will. How do I know this? I have God’s promise. He will never leave us, never forsake us. He always provides for his people. I know this as a work in progress, and I have faith in this. But how great is my faith? I must admit that at times my faith isn’t very big. Sometimes my faith gets overshadowed by my worry, and in effect, by my own sin.

If you’re worried, like me, there is only one saving solution. God. His word, His love, His embrace.

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What I’m reading now

"Wanderlust: A Social History of Travel," by Laura Byrne Paquet (Fredericton:Goose Lane Editions, 2007) "The Global Soul: Jet Lag, Shopping malls, and the Search for Home," by Pico Iyer (Toronto: Random House of Canada, 2000). "Outliers: The Story of Success," by Malcolm Gladwell (New York: Little, Brown, and Company, 2008).

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